How to talk to your ageing loved ones about the future
It can be hard to talk to your parents or loved ones about how they want to live their lives as they grow older. You want the very best for them and it’s important to have a plan so they can live well in the homes and communities they love.
As your parents and loved ones get older, their needs can gradually change. If they have a major health diagnosis or an accident, the weight of your responsibility increases.
The good news is that you’re not alone – there is plenty of support available. But it’s important to be proactive. The earlier you talk to your parents about their future, the better you can help them prepare for it and get the help you need. It means when things change, you’ve got a plan and the right services in place to make it happen.
Our top tips for talking to your loved ones
Here are 5 tips to help you break the ice and get your loved ones talking and you listening.
Tip 1: Choose your time and place carefully
We all want our loved ones to live engaged and successful lives in the homes and communities they love. But sometimes it's hard to start the conversation.
Conversations are best in a relaxed, quiet setting where you and your parent can talk uninterrupted about how they’re managing.
It’s important to understand that they may feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about their changing needs.
They also might not talk in front of other family members, so avoid broaching the subject when your children, siblings, or others are around.
Tip 2: Use a friend's or family member’s experience as a conversation starter
One of the best ways to address future living issues with your parents is to begin by referencing someone else’s experience.
Talk about “when Aunty Carol fell ill and the doctor spoke to Cousin Sarah about care options”, then explain how that experience made you realise how important it is to have that conversation with your parents ahead of time.
Often the key to getting them to open-up is to position the conversation as one you need to have for your own peace of mind. After all, your parents have spent their lives protecting you and trying to help you solve problems. Their natural inclination if you voice this concern will be to assist you by addressing it.
Tip 3: Ask them to describe what ‘successful ageing’ looks like to them
It is very possible that your view of ‘successful ageing’ and theirs are worlds apart. You might think that a retirement village with round-the-clock care is the ideal scenario.
In fact, many older Australians want to age in place. One study found between 78 and 81 percent of older Australians want to live in their own home as they age.
It’s therefore important that you ask them where they see themselves in the future. They need to think about the short term, longer term and in the case of an accident or medical episode.
Only then can you both work together to try to make that happen by engaging the right care partners to suit both their emotional, physical, and financial needs.
Tip 4: Acknowledge the importance of their feelings
Change is hard and often frightening, especially for our loved ones who are moving to a different phase of life. There is nothing worse than feeling out of control of your own life. Although they may not be able to make all the decisions about their care, it’s important that they feel consulted.
For your own emotional wellbeing, it’s also important to be honest about how their vision for their future may affect you and your family. They might think moving into your already jam-packed house is a brilliant plan. But if that’s not what’s best for your family, then you need to be honest and agree on another plan.
Tip 5: Make a list of things they need help with now and in the longer term
If you’re aiming for just one thing out of this conversation, it should be a better understanding of their needs. You may know this already from how much care you already providing them.
However, needs can change over time. It’s important you discuss the help they need now and what additional help they may require in the longer term.
This could be anything from a few hours a week of garden maintenance to daily in-home health care and everything in between. It’s important you discuss what they need, when they’ll need it and how often.